The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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