So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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