The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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