Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
