My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
