if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
