weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
