I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
then he tried to convert me to islam
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
