Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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