my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
