weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
