I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
