YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
