I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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