I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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