Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Randomize
