he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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