Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
sarcasm needs its own font
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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