Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
