hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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