I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
