I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
