i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
