Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize