Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
