this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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