Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Randomize
