What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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