just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize
