I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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