Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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