ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
