you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
