He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
