if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
