it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
