So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
