Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
