I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
