Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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