Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
