That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
