I wish my penis had an off switch
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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