Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
