The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
