she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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