before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
