What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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