Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
