Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
