Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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