come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
