Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize