I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
