Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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