I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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