I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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