it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
