he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
