P.S. I can't hear my feet
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
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