dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Randomize
