3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
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