Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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