Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
