I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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