I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
