so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I've blown a few things in my day
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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