Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
