god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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