You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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