i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize