i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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