At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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