He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
