Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
