i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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