I'm so fucking centered right now
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
