david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
