one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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